Thoughts of the day

  • I’m making a list
  • I’m checking it twice
  • Because it’s going to be published on the world wide web
  • Although only 0.000000295% of the world’s population have actually visited my blog so I’m probably ok
  • I thought a stream of consciousness in a list might make for a humourous blog post
  • Also because reading bullet points is often easier than reading paragraphs
  • I know this from reading Mother of all Lists which is a favourite blog of mine
  • I hope she hasn’t copyrighted blogging in lists
  • I wonder what The Boy is doing right now at nursery
  • I’ll just take a few minutes to re-watch all my videos of him
  • I’ll just take a few minutes to look at all my pictures of him
  • I’ll just take a few minutes to look at my own Instagram posts
  • I’ll just listen to some music and imagine I’m performing onstage on some X-Factor type programme that’s way cooler and more progressive than actual X-Factor (I bet I’m not the only one who does this)
  • I wish I could play the piano
  • I wish I wasn’t the worst singer in my choir
  • [Email ping from Zooplankton – that is a phone autocorrect of Zoopla and I thought I’d leave it there] how the frig much for a 3 bedroom hovel in Croydon?!?
  • [Email ping from Right Move] that seems reasonable for a 3 bedroom house… There must be something heinously wrong with it
  • It doesn’t have a kitchen ceiling (true story)
  • [On a bus when the same number bus approaches from the opposite direction] I hope the drivers wave at each other
  • [Either] they waved! Day = made
  • [Or] they didn’t wave. Today is shit
  • I could do with a coffee
  • It’s only 40 minutes since my last coffee
  • I’ll drink green tea instead
  • This green tea tastes like arse
  • Time to do another spreadsheet
  • I’m so good at spreadsheets
  • Ooh a pivot table would really help here!
  • [Those last three are real life, I work with data for my job and I really do enjoy a good spreadsheet]
  • I’ll just look at my Instagram again
  • I’ll just look at my pics of the The Boy again
  • Husband has text me. I best text him back after I’ve finished this Instagram post
  • [8 hours later when I see husband] oh shit I never texted him back
  • Ok it’s 2 hours since my last coffee I’m definitely allowed another now
  • I’m going to have a really healthy lunch today
  • [After eating a prepackaged sandwich, crisps and a bar of Dairy Milk] I’ll just eat that banana now, that’s healthy
  • I feel sick now
  • Ooh yes please I would love a biscuit
  • I’d best have a coffee to go with this biscuit
  • I’m going to run home tonight to burn off my prepackaged sandwich, crisps and Dairy Milk
  • And biscuit
  • [Running home] my sports bra doesn’t seem to be shock resistant enough as people are looking at my chest area with shocked faces
  • I’ll just power up this hill to get it over quicker
  • I’m going to die
  • I’m going to be sick
  • Ok it’s flat now, that’s better
  • Still feel sick
  • I’ll just pause Strava at this traffic light
  • [Another mile later] FFS I didn’t un-pause Strava!!!!
  • I’m approaching a bus stop at the same time as the 75 bus which will take me all the way home
  • That’s a sure sign it’s time to end my run. It’s a sign from God
  • [Collecting The Boy] I’d best look 100% interested as the nursery worker tells me every toy The Boy played with today
  • Although I only really care about what he ate and how long he slept
  • [On hearing that he did something pretty standard but which to me sounds genius] *weeps with pride*
  • [At home] I’ll get the sensory toys out for The Boy. He’ll love playing with these pom poms
  • Why are you crying at these pom poms
  • Here, play with the pipe cleaners like they do on Pinterest
  • Or don’t
  • Ok fine we’ll put Postman bloody Pat on
  • Postman Pat is so incompetent, the Royal Mail HR team should have taken disciplinary action against him in that episode
  • He always does the exact opposite of what he should be doing so that he gets to use the Special Delivery Service helicopter
  • I bet he leaves illegible delivery slips when people aren’t home
  • Bath and bedtime for The Boy
  • I’m going to have an early night
  • Should probably finish that malbec so it doesn’t go off
  • Might just open the next one
  • It’s 11pm best go to bed
  • I’ll just check Instagram
  • I’ll just read some Mumsnet
  • It’s 11.45pm
  • I’ll just set my alarm
  • Why does it feel the need to tell me exactly how many hours and minutes until it goes off?!?
  • I’ll just show some affection to the husband
  • Kissy kissy night night dear
  • Go away now
  • FFS
  • Goodnight

-GK-

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